WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
