They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
