I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
