Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
