dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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