HIV tests are more positive than that guy
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
