Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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