the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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