I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
