please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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