I cockslap morals
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
