D3 body, D1 cock
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
