i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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