He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
