I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
