Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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