HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
