This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
