Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
