When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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