and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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