she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
