i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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