Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
