My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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