69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
