Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i've created a new STD.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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