I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
