I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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