Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
