look no pants
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
