I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
