I didn't shave. On purpose
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
