I heard we made out
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
