How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
