thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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