you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
