I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
