I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
