the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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