Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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