he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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