Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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