The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
