omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
