Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
