Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
