one two three fourrrrnication!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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