It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
