so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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