did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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