sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
