I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
