oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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