ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
