Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
