We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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