If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
