Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
