I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
