His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
