HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
