She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
