Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
