Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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