It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
