I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
