I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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