not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
