Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
