I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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