Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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